Have you ever put all your eggs in one basket? Have you doubled down on a sure bet? Have you felt like the project/idea you have is a "sure thing"?
The more time I spend working as an artist and writer, the more I realize that I am so much more than what I do. Here's the kicker: SO ARE YOU!
You are far more than what you do.
I have been wrestling with this over the last week or so when a significant opportunity fell through.
Short version: An opportunity to share my art with a museum went through several months of communication and phone calls. We were tracking to do some final contract signing when they chose to put the assignment on hold. The opportunity may arise in 2020, but regardless it was a bit disheartening at first.
I had spent several months experiencing something I had never done before. Work on contract proposals and create connections with big clients in the field of art and creativity. It was exciting! And I was thrilled to have the chance to work alongside such a great facility. So when this project fell through, as you can probably relate, I was disappointed. Not in the museum (they've been great!), and not even in myself.
I was disappointed in my misplaced hope.
I had put so much energy into seeing this work, that when it did not, I felt worthless.
Worthless.
All over a missed opportunity.
As the day progressed, I realized I was wrestling with that inner voice that continually wants me to fail. The voice that has always bitten at the back of my mind; You are a fake. You're an imposter. You are a failure.
This voice has never worked in my favor. It has always worked against me. And on this particular day, it was winning. Fast.
So I am writing this for you, the reader, who may need a shot in the arm.
But it's also for me.
I am less than my successes, but greater than my failures.
Success < me > Failure
Let me explain.
I tend to get prideful, egotistic. My closest friends know this, and I have hurt people deeply when I have let my pride get the better of me. I am trying to remember that in spite of any success I may have, I am less than that. I must try to retain a sense of humility in my work.
But I am also greater than my failures. They do not define me, but rather, they inform what's next. I am trying to remember that the inner voice telling me I am worthless, does not have my best interest in mind.
As a believer, this idea comes down to faith and where I lay my trust.
For you, regardless of your belief, I think this is a trust issue.
Do you trust yourself to work diligently without succumbing to the value of your creations?
Do you see yourself as valuable beyond what you create?
If so, you may find that you can relish in your successes when they come, but also learn from the failures and disappointments along the way, so they inform how you proceed.
Much love to you my friends,
-Nick